Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I Wish I was Perfect!


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Fairy Girl Holding Wand
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Today I wished I was perfect! Today has not been the first time I dreamed of not making a single mistake. As I kid I was often picked on for any little thing. I was not only criticized by peers but adults as well. People talked about how I looked, such as the fact that I have big eyes, full lips, or sandy colored hair. I was also picked at for how I talked and in particular how I dressed. I had my own style that was quite like everyone else. I was an individual who just did not fit the stereotype of a 80s baby!

I did not really fit any of the cliches you see on any movie about teens. I was too black at times to fit in with whites and too white at times to fit in with blacks. I was not weird enough to be with the goth and emo kids and definitely not cool enough to be with the popular. To the nerds I was not nerdy enough (whatever that means!). I just did not fit any category or label people had to offer.   I just was not perfect enough to be categorized at all!

Despite this I tried to fit into a mold of perfection. I tried hard not to  mess up at all and to please everyone ended up being my goal in life. But despite I hard I tried I eventually would make a mistake and show that I was not perfect. I found myself being hard on myself even harder than my critics and scoffers. I thought me feeling that way was over until today's embarrassment!

I wished in that moment I was perfect without flaws and that nothing bad would happen to me. I became angry that God allowed for such stupid stuff to happen to me.  I wished God had made me to be perfect to never do or say anything wrong. I then came to myself that no one is perfect despite how some people may portray themselves. I also realized that since I am not a judgemental person I probably never realized some of the mistakes made. I never shamed them in front of others when they screwed up because that is not who I am! I am a flawed person that does not fit into any clique! I know one thing for sure I am not perfect!




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2 comments:

  1. I think it's human nature to feel that sometimes. But without flaws, we won't appreciate what is beautiful and we won't be at our best so to speak. :)

    This is enlightening.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it is human nature sometimes to feel that way! This is especially true with how media and our culture sometimes promotes especially when it comes to physical looks! I think flaws are beautiful because we just being who were are! Thanks for stopping by Lux!

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